25 Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 30.

Happy Saturday my lovelies! This past weekend I turned 25 and got to join the quarantine birthday gang. Since I couldn’t (and still can’t) go out or do anything for my birthday I decided to chill out with a slice of cake, low-alcohol wine and an episode of the Great Pottery Throwdown; which honestly is probably how I would’ve ended my birthday anyway being an introvert and little old lady at heart.

One of my Christmas presents was a gratitude journal so I’ve also been reflecting on what I’m grateful for, what lessons I’ve learnt over the last 25 years and I’ve also decided to make a list of things I want to do before I turn 30.

Things I’m grateful for are:

• My body for getting me where I am today – even though I live with chronic pain, I’m grateful for what my body allows me to do.
• My imagination and creativity.
• My family and friends.
• My job – it’s honestly the best job I’ve ever had and that’s not only because I love me work family but I also love making an impact in the mental health and addiction sector.
• My newfound ability to not care what others think of how I look.
• Finding witchcraft.
• Music – it helps me find motivation, brings me joy and always helps me unwind.
• For finding myself again over the last year.

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So, onto the 25 things I want to do before I turn 30 (in no particular order):

Birthday Selfie! (Still baby-faced as ever)

Go to pride in London – I wanted to go last year but obviously due to covid we couldn’t, so hopefully by 2022 we can have an in person pride!

Buy my own home – at the moment I’m living at home with my family and saving up for a deposit so I can get a mortgage in a year or two.

Have a full diagnosis of my chronic back pain – if you didn’t know already, I’m a spoonie and have been going back and forth for over 4 years trying to find out what causing my back pain (you can read more about it here!).

Travel somewhere by myself – you always hear about these transformational travels people go on and I want to experience that!

Get a new car – mine happens to be slowly deteriorating on my driveway at the moment..but I’m also not going anywhere so it’s pointless replacing it until we can go out again.

Learn another language well enough to be able to actually have some form of simple conversation with others – I’m currently learning Spanish with the trusty ‘ole Duolingo.

Go to one of the sleepovers at the Natural History museum!

Get two more tattoos – a big one of peonies and another of a robin.

Learn how to code – I’m already learning this and know a decent amount, but it’s always good to keep learning and I want to be able to remember all of the different codes without needing to triple check them.

Take a fitness/dance class without feeling self-conscious – when I say that I look like a robot who has two left feet I’m not exaggerating.

Try throwing pottery – I’ve just never had the opportunity to do and love sculpting with clay in general.

Take a full life drawing course – I’ve dipped in and out of life drawing lessons over the years and I always absolutely loved them so I want to make them a regular thing when we can all meet up again.

Join or form a book club – I just need to read more to be honest and when I find a book I love I read it in about 4 days and then can’t find a book I like for ages.

Learn how to animate – I’ve made a start on this already by learning how to do basic animations in procreate but I want to get better at it!

Fully understand how taxes and all the other finance stuff works that we should’ve been taught in school.

Have a decent amount of money saved for emergencies.

Design and sew an entire outfit – I love the Great British Sewing Bee and I have an A-Level in textiles but I never give myself the proper amount of time to actually finishing sewing projects.

Sell some of my art – I’ve made art all my life and been too scared to actually sell it even when people say it’s great, so I think it’s about time I actually believe it when people say they would buy my work.

Have a solid morning and night routine.

Make more friends – I have less than 3 friends outside of my work family so I really need to learn how to make friends as an adult. If anyone knows how to do this please tell me hahaha.

Get better at swimming – I am an extremely weak swimmer.

Try more food – I’ve been a fussy eater all my life and I’m slowly getting better. Progress is still progress no matter how small.

Grow my hair as long as I can stand it now that it’s healthy – and then maybe I’ll shave it again and donate it for charity? Who knows?!

Do something that scares me.

Learn to stand up for myself when a boundary is crossed.

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And those are my 25 things I want to do over the next 5 years. One of the biggest things on that list is getting my own place, and I can’t wait for the time when that happens, not only because it’ll be my own place, but also because I love interior design and can’t wait to decorate and make the place my own. Another thing I can’t wait to do is go to pride because it’s just such an uplifting time filled with celebration, community and love and to be there in person will be amazing.

You may have noticed that there are two things I’ve missed from my list that people my age are quite likely to include which is getting married and having kids. Well, I’m currently single, and believe it or not over the last year I’ve realised that I don’t actually mind being by myself; that doesn’t mean there aren’t days when I feel lonely, it just means that I’m fine with being by myself if that’s what happens in the end. And on the kids front, I’ve always imagined myself having kids one day, in fact when I was younger I thought I’d have kids by the time I’m 25, but as time has gone one I’ve realised that I’ll just have kids when I’m ready instead of putting a proper timescale on it. And if I do end up not having the ability to have children by myself for whatever reason (whether it’s because I’m by myself or if I’m in a relationship and it’s not possible) then I’ll either adopt, get a donor or foster.

It’s funny to me how much I’ve changed over the last year. I used to think that I needed to have so many big life events happen before 25 or before 28 and I would put stupid time frames on events you haven’t always got control of; and that was because I kept seeing people on social media my age having kids, getting married and buying their own places already. But what I completely forgot is that photo of house keys or engagement ring isn’t the entire story, and the majority of people feel like they’re behind. I’ve also realised that I’ve actually done a hell of a lot in the time I’ve been on earth, and I’m pretty proud of what I’ve achieved so far!

So here’s to year 25 and whatever it shall bring!

Have a great weekend my loves!

Love,

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Before i Turn 30.

Reflections and Resolutions.

Hello my lovelies! It’s the first post I’m writing for the year! I’ve left it a bit late compared to everyone else in writing about my 2020 and what I’m hoping for in 2021, but that’s because a ridiculous about of stuff (some good, some extremely shit) happened last year for me and I just haven’t had the mental space or time to sit down and download my thoughts.

A rundown of my 2020 goes a bit like this:

• January: Start of 2020 – Turned 24yrs old, went for an mri scan for my back, started dry January, officially came out to everyone as Pan.
• February: Went to Harry Potter Studio Tours, left an 8 year relationship, decided to turn my Dry January into Dry 2020 (what a decision to make in 2020).
• March: Fresh start, moved to a tiny room, started to feel like myself again, lockdown number 1 started, working from home began.
• April: A bit of a blur to be honest, I remember holding an at home escape room for my family, also sent an ipad to my grandparents in .
• May: Family quiz nights weekly, a socially distanced bbq with our bubble for my niece’s 2nd birthday my my sisters birthday.
• June: Went for another mri scan for my back, started online dating, started my witchcraft journey.
• July: Went for a few online dates – nothing came of it (but I did get my first online date and my first date in over 8 years out of the way), found out my Granny has terminal liver failure.
• August: First holiday abroad in about 4 years cancelled due to covid, bit of a shit month to be honest, but I got meds for my acne.
• September: Fully embraced the single life and learning to love myself for who I am, started exploring new fashion choices/styles.
• October: Halloween themed birthday party for my 4 year old nephew (in our bubble), started following people online that promote real bodies and body positivity/neutrality, savings took a big hit from car insurance and mot/service – essentially had to rebuild my car.
• November: Started Christmas shopping online, lockdown 2 I think? (I never fully left the first one) lockdown).
• December: Christmas, took a break from work, blogging and freelancing over the festive period, started loving and accepting my body for how it is now.

So that was my 2020. It had some real highs and some really low lows; the best things about 2020 for me were coming out, spending time with my family, finding myself again and having a bit of a reset. The real low lows were finding out my Granny is terminally ill, not being able to see family members, and general worries about everyone’s health.

All in all 2020 was a year of self discovery, reflection, love, loss, stress and rest. Oh, and I completed dry 2020 even with all the shit it threw at me!

Now that 2021 has begun, and with everything that happened last year, I’ve made the decision to only have 3 resolutions for the year and if anything else happens then I’m happy.

My three resolutions for the year are:

• Accepting my body as it is.
• To accept myself for who I am completely, not changing who I am/how I behave so I fit with what I think everyone wants me to be to them.
• Make the most of each situation.

And that’s about it! I’ve done my tarot reading for the year and I’m excited to see what this year will bring; I may do another post on that in the future but for now I’m going to keep it to me. One tarot card that I have on my altar at the moment is the card of the Fool. The Fool is the first card of the tarot and represents beginnings, journeys, joy, creativity and possibility; so I felt like it was a good card to start my year with.

I typically do a tarot reading once a month-ish and then whenever I feel drawn to my cards. (If you want some posts on tarot cards and readings let me know!) One project I’m also doing this year is designing my own tarot cards!

That’s about it for today my loves! I’m now off to go and read a book I haven’t been able to stop reading! Stay tuned for some fashion posts coming soon, and let me know if you have any post requests!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Love,

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New Year Resolutions.

Happy Christmas my lovelies! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and I hope the new year brings you lots of happiness. I got lovely gifts in all shapes and sizes this Christmas, but the part I enjoy the most every year is spending the day with my loved ones.

So, as you can probably guess since we’re at the end of 2019, today’s post is all about my new year resolutions and if I managed to stick to the ones I made at the start of the year.

At the beginning of the year, I made resolutions to:

• Cycle to work.
• Read more.
• Continue writing my blog here.
• Learn to love my body more for everything it is and does.
• Wearing what I want to, regardless of other people’s opinions.
• Raise some money for charity through RED January.

First up, I did manage to cycle to work over the course of January, which was pretty good for me. One thing I didn’t account for when deciding to cycle more was that my chronic back pain would actually get a lot worse with cycling to work; this led to me having to stop cycling, but as soon as my health is in a better place, I will definitely start this up again as it was great for my mental health!

Next up I resolved that I wanted to read more. This one I did manage! I’ve read several body positive books, started listening to (and found a love for) audio books and I’m currently re-reading all of the Harry Potter books.

I of course have kept up with my third resolution of continuing my blog, because you’re reading this post now!

I’m very happy to let you know that since making the decision to learn to love my body at the beginning of the year, I have definitely made some big steps towards loving my body in the past year. One of the biggest things that has made a difference in my body image was finding a way to love exercise again, and exercising for the right reasons. Ever since beginning the be.come project, my attitude and outlook on physical activity has changed for life!

Going hand in hand with learning to love my body was wearing whatever clothes I wanted, and that was a huge success, now when I get ready in the morning it doesn’t even cross my mind that others will have an opinion about my clothes. After all, your own opinion on your appearance is the only one that matters.

Finally, I took part in RED January to raise some money for MIND which I did indeed complete and I managed to raise a small some to give to the mental health organisation.

So, with all of that reflecting done, what am I resolving to do in 2020?

Well..

• Continue last years resolutions.
• Find out what works for me now that I am off the pill (there will be a post about this when I’ve been a year free of it!).
• Find a skincare routine that works to help my adult acne (one of the cons to coming off the pill I was on for my acne).
• Make more time for my art.
• Finally get a diagnosis for my chronic back pain.
• Find a good work life balance and boundaries.
• Declutter every 3 months and try to stick to a minimalist approach to material things (I’m about to Marie Kondo this sitch!)
• Eat more vegetables and have meat free days in the week.
• Drink more water.
• Create a morning routine that works for me.
• Finally, I’m going to give up alcohol completely – I won’t lie, this one is super easy for me since I once have a drink once in a blue moon.

And those are my new years resolutions! I want to say a huge thank you to all of you who follow, read and support my blog, you really do mean the world to me and I certainly wouldn’t be where I am without you! And with that, that’s all from me! What’re your new years resolutions? Let me know in the comments!

Have a happy new year!

Love,

My 5 Favourite Storytime Posts.

Happy Saturday everyone! This week I’ve been busy journaling, catching up with friends and family and I’ve been practicing some selfcare. And speaking of journaling and selfcare; this week I’m going to share with you my top 5 favourite storytime posts I’ve written.

So, onto my top 5 posts! Let’s get into it!

1 . I Found Out My Ancestry With 23 and Me.

I loved writing this post. For ages I wanted to find out my ancestry and I still go back to look at my 23 and me profile regularly to see that I’ve got more and more DNA relatives!

2 . I Hate My Belly, So I Got My Belly Button Pierced.

This post will always hold a special place in my heart. For as long as I can remember I’ve hated my stomach, and that all changed when I wrote this post. I think it’s the furthest I’ve ever pushed myself out of my comfort zone as an experiment and I have stopped hating on my stomach every since. I mean, I still have other parts of my body I like more, but I’m a long way away from hate.

3 . Why I’m Refusing To Make New Years Resolutions About My Body.

I got a lot of responses from this post. And I think it’s because I’m not sure I’ve ever seen any posts like this about new years resolutions. And I’m happy to say that this one will always be a favourite of mine because I think it raised an important point for lots of people who weren’t a fan of themselves, and why they should learn to love themselves and spent their time on better things than self-hatred.

4 . Learning To Play An Instrument.

I am still so so happy that I wrote this post, and it partly came with my new years resolutions and it’s been a dream of mine since I was a little girl to play the piano. And guess what?! I’ve kept up my learning since this post and I’m not about to stop now! I can’t believe how far my learning has come and I can now play a few beautiful songs from memory and read sheet music!

5 . Being An Apprentice.

This post was one I had wanted to write for a really long time, and it’s a post all about my job, why I decided to become an apprentice in my 20s and why it’s important to celebrate your successes, no matter how big or small they are!

So those are my top 5 favourite storytime posts from this year! It’s amazing to me that we’re already 3/4’s of the year through and that I’ve had my blog for over a year and a half!

Have you got a favourite post of mine? I like writing these posts every few weeks as it’s a great way to reflect over what’s been happening and what my favourite topics are to write about!

And that’s all for today! I hope you enjoyed today’s post, it’s always great fun writing about my life, interests, hobbies and being creative in general; coming up with new ideas and posts for you is something I always try to do, and if you’ve got any ideas for posts you want to see from me, let me know in the comments below!

Have a great weekend everybody! Love,

Birthday Reflections.

Thursday was my birthday!! Which means I ate cake, got pampered and did a bit of reflecting on what I want for the next year of my life. I guess it’s a little like new years resolutions but without the guilt if you break them. Reflecting on what I want for myself in the next months is something I’ve never really done before, but the time just feels right.

So, lets get into it!

1 . I am learning (and loving) how to be unapologetically myself.

2 . I want to wear whatever I want, no matter how wacky, weird or boring without fear of being judged, because my opinion is the only one that matters when it comes to my appearance!

How cute was my birthday outfit?! I love that jumper and accessories so much!

3 . Not feeling guilty for any food I eat or workouts that I don’t do.

4 . Be proud of myself for my little achievements.

5 . I want to schedule away at least one day a month for a selfcare day.

6 . Continue to push myself out of my comfort zone and try more new things.

7 . I want to read more books, I love reading but struggle to find stories I get sucked into, so I am on a mission to find some new books!

8 . Learning to love my hair when it’s natural and style it without heat.

9 . Continue blogging as it has brought me so much joy, and I love being creative!

10 . Giving people compliments when I like something about them, whether it’s a piece of clothing, their personality, attitude and/or anything really. It’s always nice bringing a smile to someone’s face, and you never know how much of a difference it can make to someone’s day.

Well, that’s what I’m going to be doing for this upcoming year, and I can’t wait to see what it’s going to throw at me! And I cant wait to see where I’m at in another years time.

So here’s to being another year older, wiser, happier and more comfortable in my own skin. Have a great weekend everyone!!

Love,

 

 

Why I’m Refusing To Make New Years Resolutions About My Body.

Hello my lovelies! I hope you have all had a happy Christmas and a very peaceful few days in the lead up to the end of the year! And of course, because we’re coming up to the New Year, New Years resolutions are popping up all over the place.

Which brings me to this post. For as long as I can remember, I have made New Years resolutions each year; and EVERY SINGLE ONE has been about how my body looks and my weight. It’s always along the lines of: I will lose weight, I will drop a dress size, I will change my body, I will go to the gym 6 times a week, I will stop eating certain foods etc. etc. etc.

This year I REFUSE to make a resolution about changing my body.

Now, some of you who are subscribed to my blog will know that I have spoken out about my body image issues and having suffered with Anorexia (see my previous post about it here!). Well, this past year I have been lucky enough to get some help and support and I am happy to announce that I am in recovery!

Writing this post came from seeing everyone’s resolutions on social media, with the majority of them being about their bodies and how they want them to look; and before I started my recovery journey, mine would have been like that too. I started thinking about what I want for the new year ahead and for the first time in.. well forever, I don’t know what my resolution should be if it isn’t about my appearance.

Here’s why I’m refusing to make my new years resolutions about my body:

• My body does NOT need to change to be beautiful. It already is.
• Resolving to eat less food/calories is stupid, food is fuel and we need energy to do all the amazing things we want to accomplish.
• Food is not ‘good’ or ‘bad’ it’s just food.
• Taking up less space does NOT mean I am a better human being.
• Losing weight does not solve all your problems.
• Spending hours in the gym trying to make my body into something it’s naturally not supposed to be is useless. And boring!

Here’s when it’s okay to make a new years resolution about your body:

• Deciding to get help with a medical condition or something you’ve been struggling with.
• Deciding to love your body.
• Resolving to develop a healthy relationship with food and exercise. And no I don’t mean deciding to go on a so-called ‘healthy’ diet that makes you hate yourself and feel guilty for eating!!

So, because I am not making any resolutions to do with changing my body here are some resolutions that I AM making:

• Riding my bike to work instead of driving so I become more confident in cycling. (I just got my first bike this Christmas!)
• Read more.
• Continue writing my blog, it’s by far one of the best things I decided to do this past year and I absolutely love it!
• Learning to love my body more for everything it is and does.
• Wearing clothes that I feel comfortable and confident in, regardless of what other people think.
• Raise some money for charity. (you can check out my JustGiving page for MIND here if you want to!)

Those are just a few of my many resolutions for the new year; and I just want to share with you how much I truly appreciate every single one of you for reading, commenting, liking and interacting with me on here. You have made my year so happy and I can’t thank you enough for all of your support! What’re your new years resolutions? Let me know if the comments!!

I hope you all have a great New Years Eve and a very Happy New Year! Love,

P.S. Thank you for voting for me and all of the other amazing bloggers nominated in the UKBloggerAwards!!