Hello my lovelies! How’s your week going? I hope you’re staying well and taking some time away from the news and social media, and if you haven’t yet, I definitely recommend it; and besides, they’re all saying the same things anyway, so it’s not like you’ll be missing out for a few hours!
So, onto today’s post. Incase you couldn’t guess from the title, I’m pansexual, and today I’m going to be covering some of the most common questions I get asked, busting some myths and just letting you know what pansexual people want you to know.
If you’ve been with me for a while, you’ll know that I’m a pretty open book with you on here, so you may know that I was in a long term relationship up until the end of February this year. Something you won’t know is that I came out as pansexual over the course of 2019 to those who are really close to me, and then I came out more formerly to more people this year. It took me until the beginning of this year to come out officially to my then partner, and in doing so a lot of questions were raised (understandably). You may be wondering if that was the reason for my relationship ending, and I guess you could say that was part of it? The good news is that we’re still friends and it was a mutual thing.
What you might find funny is that I never really properly came out like you see in TV shows or movies when it came to my family and close friends, we were just talking and from memory I think we were watching a TV show where someone came out and a discussion started and I just went: “well I identify as pan, so.. yeah.” and guess what, they were just like “oh, ok. What does that mean?”.
Naturally more conversations have happened since then, with lots of questions being asked and answered. One thing I will say right now is that I am incredibly lucky and grateful that I have an extremely non-judgemental family who support and love me no matter what, so they are perfectly accepting of my being pan; and I understand that not everyone is so lucky when they come out.
Even though my family and friends and I have had conversations about me being pansexual, I do still get asked questions every now and again, and there are still a huge amount of misconceptions out there about what being panexual or any part of the lgbtq+ community is. So, today I decided to bust those myths, answer some questions and tell you some things that pansexual people want you to know; obviously I don’t speak for everyone, but I’m going to try and cover things as best I can.
And with that, let’s get into it!
What does pansexual mean?
Pansexuality is the sexual attraction to people regardless of gender. Some people may say they are gender-blind, meaning that sex and gender are not determining factors in a romantic and/or sexual relationship.
I like to say that I’m just attracted to humans. When I like someone, I like someone, I don’t think about what’s in their pants.
Also… no, being pansexual does not mean we’re attracted to frying pans..
Is being pansexual the same as being bisexual?
No, they are not the same. Bisexuality is the attraction to two sexes or genders, males and females; whereas people who are pansexual are attracted to all genders and sexes. You can think of it like this, the terminology is different: Bi=Two whereas Pan=All.
I get asked this a lot, and most people get it after me explaining it a few times, but I usually go with the explanation of : where people who identify as bi are attracted to males and females, I as someone who is pan, can be attracted to anyone, regardless of if they identify as male, female, intersex, trans, non-binary, gender-fluid, agender, bigender, gender-queer etc.
Are you sure it’s not a phase?
Omg, it’s definitely not a phase for crying out loud! I don’t expect people to understand how I identify, but I like to hope that people accept it and respect it. And if you don’t, well then the chances are that we’re not going to be very good friends in the long run. If I were to say I was straight or bi or lesbian, you wouldn’t even question it, so why question it now?!
So does this mean you’re attracted to everyone?
Again nope, being pansexual means yes, we can be attracted to ANYONE, but that does not mean EVERYONE. Just like if you’re straight, that does not mean you’re attracted to everyone of the opposite gender or if you’re gay, it does not mean that you’re then attracted to all people of the same gender as you.
Chances are, out of most people in a room, we may only like a few, not all of them. Yes, our pool of people we could find attractive is bigger, but that doesn’t mean we fancy everyone we come in contact with. Sorry not sorry if that’s you.
Pansexual’s are unloyal romantic partners.
Absolute bullshit. No, we’re not going to cheat on you because we’re pansexual, just like if I were bi I still wouldn’t cheat on you because I can like more people. If someone cheats on you and they happen to identify as panseuxal then it’s nothing to do with how they identify, it just means they are an unloyal person to you. If I’m in a relationship with you, it’s because I like you, so stop thinking I’m about to run off with the next person I see!
We don’t care about how others identify.
Again, this can be a misconception and confusion. Although being pansexual means we don’t see gender when we’re attracted to someone, that doesn’t mean we don’t respect how other people identify. If I’m with someone who identifies as a trans-man, then I’m going to respect that, just like everyone else would. We don’t dismiss or not care about your gender identity, just like how I identify as a female and expect to have my gender identity respected, we’ll respect how you choose to identify and we won’t ignore it.
How did you know you were pansexual?
I’ve always gone by the saying ‘if I like you, I like you’, but it wasn’t until about two years ago that I fully realised that I was pansexual. And then it took another 6 months after that to begin coming out to people because I was scared that people wouldn’t believe me because at the time I was in a relationship with a man. When people ask me this question, I usually say that I knew when I realised that I was attracted to people and I just didn’t think about what was in their pants, I just liked who I liked, and I am extremely attracted to the androgynous look. Some people identify as bi first and then identify as pan, and that’s perfectly fine.
You can come out whenever feels right to you, you’re never too old to come out. If you come out after years of being in relationships with one gender, that does not devalue how you identify. You do you.
We’re still humans. Just like everyone else. We just have a wider span of people who we could fancy.
I’m attracted to humans.
And those are the myths and questions I am asked and presented with every now and again! I hope that this helped anyone who has questions about pansexuals, and I hope this is cathartic for anyone in my shoes! Being fully out as pan has allowed me to be my truest happiest version of myself, and that’s all because I decided to love myself as I am and accept myself for who I am.
Whether you’re out or not, learn to love yourself, and know that you don’t need to change who you are to fit other people’s norms. Be yourself, love who you want to love, and don’t be afraid to explore what your sexual orientation means to you. Being pan for me might mean something slightly different for someone else who identifies as pan and that’s ok. Both are valid and should be respected.
I can’t believe how far I’ve come from when I first came out, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for me. I know that one thing that will lie ahead for me is pride! I can’t wait to go to my first pride event, I’ve just got to wait for all of this isolation to blow over!
And with that, I’ll leave you with this:
LOVE IS LOVE.
Enough said. Feel free to ask me any of your questions in the comments or you can always dm me on instagram @theweightofmyworlds ! I always appreciate when someone is asking questions because they are wanting to learn something new and to educate themselves. As long as you’re being respectful, are in a safe place to do so and know that the other person is comfortable, don’t be afraid to ask questions (within reason obviously) and learn something new.
Have a great weekend everyone and stay safe out there (or should I say in there?).
Lot’s of love,